True Life Blog

Scene 1, Take 2


Okay, I’m wondering if any of you caught the mistake I made in my previous post and were just being polite by not mentioning it because it was my birthday, but were thinking, “Poor man.…I don’t have the heart to tell him he can’t subtract.”

Tuesday night my brother Tom called to wish me a Happy Birthday, when I heard my mother’s voice in background, “Happy Birthday, Ronnie! How old are you now, 57?”

I told my brother to tell my mother, “No, I’m 58 today.”

And then no sooner did I say that, something made me stop dead in my tracks. It was like a light bulb clicked on in my head.

Bewilderedly I said to my brother, “Um…Tom, I’m 58, right?”

Tom immediately started calculating the year I was born (1955) by subtracting it from 2012 in his head.

In the meantime, I took out my calculator and began doing the math.

Simultaneously my brother and I shouted, “No, I’m/you’re not 58….you’re 57!!!”

After we laughed our asses off, I said, “Well, at least I’m a year less than what I thought I was.”

Then I suddenly blurted out, “HOLY SHIT…..I TOLD EVERYONE ON MY BLOG THAT I WAS 58 YEARS OLD ON TUESDAY. I LIED!!!!!!!!!”

Well, I didn’t really LIE, I just can’t SUBTRACT.

See, this is another thing that happens when you age. You lose your ability to THINK.

So forgive me everyone.

Scene 2, Take 1

Back in July when I was visiting my family in Florida, a good of friend of my mother’s gave me a small skincare sample of a facial buffing cream from the company, Sisley.

Sisley is one of the most expensive skincare companies on the market, so I could never afford to purchase their products unless I started turning tricks down on the street corner. But I thought I’d try the sample to see if it was as good as they say because people RAVE about it.

*Before using the product. Notice how my face and skin appear. I look like a Gnome.

The instructions were to wash my face before applying the buffing cream.

Next, I applied the buffing cream and waited for it to dry. Then, using circular motions with my fingertips I gently buffed off the cream, removing dead cells and impurities; revealing renewed skin.

Here are the results….

OMG…don’t I look FLAWLESS? It worked like MAGIC! Notice how my skin glows with a delicate, ethereal quality. I resemble Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard, right after she had a team of beauty experts come to her house and give her a complete makeover; preparing for her big comeback to the silver screen.

Norma Desmond practicing her facial expressions for the cameras.